People are edgy these days. You’d think that after a year like 2020- political noise, pandemic, wildfires (at least here in California), public upheaval and dangerous protests about a multitude of topics- we would welcome 2021 with open arms. At least, that’s what I hoped would happen. Alas, I was wrong (again).
Like many people, I tend to gravitate toward the known, the comfort zone, the familiar things in my life. Like a good cup of coffee. I love the brewed “black gold”, “Baptist booze”, “the Joe”….I’m a coffee kind of guy (so is my oldest daughter, who regularly posts and reviews coffee drinks and coffee locations on Instagram- check out caffeinatedbarbie on Instagram). In fact, I even secretly collect percolators. That’s right, you heard me. It’s not healthy, I know. On occasion, I’ll swing into my local Starbucks which sits strategically between home and office for my “go to”- a Carmel Macchiato. Ah yes, the almighty CM.
Last week, I was on my way in to the office, when I decided to stop by Starbucks. Like I often do, I placed my order via mobile app in advance, just to minimize the stopping time and also time the detour so that I can have my drink ready when I arrive. As I entered, there were a few people in the SB milling around, all waiting for their drinks. I edged close to the mobile pickup area as I normally do- when all of a sudden I heard a loud “excuse me” from behind. I stopped, turned around, and before I could speak, a woman standing off to one side stared me down and proclaimed “we’re ALL waiting for our drinks”. I replied with a calm “oh I see” and a “no problem”….but she’d have nothing of it. Her response was simply to stare me down with a rather smug, angry set of eyes peering over her heavy duty Covid-fighting face mask. Rather than engage her further, I stepped over to one side near another male patron cowering in fear against the wall.
The angry lady muttered some more unintelligible words under her breath, after which she collected up her order and left. The minute she hit the door, the room literally unleashed a collective sigh of relief. The man standing near me looked at me, shook his head and said “sorry about that- she sure seemed stressed”. I agreed- we talked about the mobile ordering process and the fact that normally this particular location does very well to stay ahead of orders. “They’ve been slammed this morning” he said. Eventually I crept forward and sure enough, there was my drink- waiting for me patiently. The young gal who looks like one of my daughters’ was polite, smiled and slid my drink to me. There’s no way to know how long it had been ready, but it was ready none the less.
Two days ago…you knew this was coming….sure enough, I’m back in the zone, headed into Starbucks to get my Carmel Macchiato, and sure enough, she’s there again! Three steps into my entrance I see her standing over near the counter area, waiting, and I instinctively choose fight over flight. She’s not stopping me this time. I blow right past her- and I’m hard to miss- 6’3″, big guy, Harley Davidson logo face mask-the gal at the counter sees me coming and says “do you need a stopper for your macchiato Tim?”- to which I reply with a hearty “no thanks- I’ll be drinking this immediately”! I wheel around, look squarely in the angry lady’s direction just to be sure she knows that I know that she’s there and I don’t care. As I head toward the door, behind me I can hear her telling someone near her something about “my ridiculous face mask” as she comments how “some people are completely clueless”. Yes, I just kept moving.
I’m not sure if there’s a lesson to be learned, or a moral to this story. Here’s the thing: we cannot control others around us. And we certainly cannot control what they think, what they might say, or how they may act toward us. We can only control our responses to them. We are living in a time when people are just plain angry- for whatever the reason. Social norms have been challenged, once common polite behaviors are becoming rare remembrances of a past time, and more and more people are feeling a false sense of social justification, social “corrective behavior” towards others. Let’s be clear about something- I do not care what you think, because I don’t know you and your opinions do not matter to me. I do, however, believe that we should all treat each other with simple kindness, dignity and a reasonable amount of social grace. If you can’t muster that, please stay home. Keep it to yourself, lady. When you step out of the room, people are relieved you aren’t there to keep dishing out your negative mojo. We all had enough of that in 2020. Time to move on, and don’t stress over who approaches the coffee counter.
Tim Talks - Thoughts about Life 